Have you felt like someone else’s negative emotional states have you feeling drained and exhausted? That probably means you’re very emotionally attached to the people around you or even a specific person. This leads us to feel like our moods depend on their moods. If they feel happy, you’ll feel happy. If they feel sad, you’ll feel sad. Let’s talk about it in detail and how to detach yourself emotionally.
Emotional detachment
There isn’t anything wrong with being empathetic. However, when you don’t draw a boundary for yourself, your moods and emotions will keep fluctuating and you’ll now know how to regulate them, which can turn that relationship into a toxic one pretty quickly. It’s important to be empathetic but maintain a boundary of detachment. Because when you yourself become emotionally involved, you wouldn’t be able to support or help someone else either. Emotional detachment leads to removing yourself from the direct impact of emotions and puts you in a place of objectivity. It also helps in situations where you keep getting hurt but are unable to let go. Once you detach yourself, you’ll be able to let go of harmful people and not be that emotionally involved. It’s important to note that emotional detachment doesn’t mean you are apathetic. It’s not that extreme, and if you’re starting to feel that you’re not experiencing any emotions, maybe you can talk to our mental health coach Healo at https://healo.infiheal.com/. You might be able to get deeper insights through it or you can also talk to one of our therapists specialised to help you gain a holistic perspective of yourself. Now that we’ve talked about what it means to emotionally detach, and why it’s healthy to do so, let’s move on to how to actually do it.
How to emotionally detach
Emotional detachment involves a commitment to being mindful and knowing what’s best for yourself and holding yourself in confidence. Here are a few steps to take:
- 1. Acknowledge the emotions you feel. Recognise whether you feel sad, angry, happy or hopeless etc.
- 2. Recognise which emotions are yours and which you’re taking on from someone else. You can do this by asking yourself where are these coming from. Did something happen to you to bring on these emotions?
- 3. Then, put the boundary between you and the person whose emotions you are taking on. You can do this by either creating a physical space between you and them, that is by limiting communication with them or by other means. You can also try visually cutting the bond off. Do this by visualising in your mind as if you and the other person is connected through rope. Imagine every little detail slowly and once you have a comprehensive and detailed image, cut the rope attaching you.
How to master detachment
Once you’ve detached yourself from them, you might still feel the old way from time to time because that is all that you knew. Your mind and body are conditioned to make you feel attached. Now the key is to practice this detachment again and again. You don’t necessarily have to make a big deal about it. Quiet detachment can also be so powerful because you take a step back where you don’t take the stress from somewhere else to your home which is your safe space. Some ways in which you can strengthen the detachment are:
- 1. Practice gaining confidence in yourself. When you feel good about yourself, your self-esteem is raised and when you hold yourself in high regard, you’ll always consider yourself and not let anything else affect you negatively.
- 2. Keep reminding yourself of the negative feelings that arises in you. Nobody consciously wants to feel bad right? This will keep you at bay and will be a constant reminder of why you cannot let anything or anyone affect you that way.
- 3. If what hurts you is your expectations of others, ask yourself if they’re practical or if you’re just putting unrealistic standards on them. You might get hurt less when you realize people aren’t built to conform to the standard you hold to them.
- 4. Put an emotional boundary by articulating it. Tell them how much they affect you and how you’d like to take a step back from feeling this much.
- 5. Practice meditation mindfulness. It opens your mind and makes you more conscious of your own self. You’re more likely to pay attention to negative patterns and work towards eradicating them.
How to practice detachment in relationships
Are you feeling frustrated because your partner’s, your friends’ or even your family members’ behaviours are affecting you emotionally? That’s a pretty valid feeling. However, when it gets too much, you must feel like you don’t want to be that bothered by someone else. Detachment is necessary when you constantly feel drained after hanging out with them or after talking to them. Here are some things to keep in mind while detaching from a relationship.
- 1. Take some feedback from your friends or your therapist regarding the person who is draining you. The people around you usually see more than you do. Ask them if they’ve been noticing this change in you or this draining of your energy.
- 2. Recognize what aspects of the relationship are making you feel drained. Is it because they give you no space of your own? Is it because they overindulge or maybe do not indulge in your interests at all? Is it because you feel like your values don’t align anymore? Or maybe you’re growing in different ways which doesn’t make you feel compatible anymore? Knowing the base reason is very important so as to see the severity of it.
- 3. See if you can redefine the boundaries. Have an open communication with them and tell them how you’ve been feeling. Tell them the instances that made you feel drained and if they’re willing to be considerate about your feelings so you don’t feel that drained.
- 4. Don’t look at them from a subjective lens. A lot of times we trauma-bond with people, which leads us to feel everything they’re feeling and we associate their emotions and experiences to them. Remove that lens. See them objectively and see if you’re even compatible with them. Also remember you can still be affectionate with them without entwining them with their traumas and in turn yours.
- 5. Have boundaries on topics which are uncomfortable for you. This is something you can control. Say no when asked intrusive questions and tell them to stop.
Conclusion
We can say that emotional detachment is not all good and not all bad. If balanced and used correctly, it can save us so much of our peace of mind. But if used in the wrong way, it can leave us feeling numb. So it’s important to always feel your emotions. Emotions inherently aren’t bad, but their dysregulation is. Detaching yourself emotionally will take time and consistent efforts, but the peace it brings is completely worth it.
