Introduction
Since ages, people have had multiple distortions of what therapy looks like. In developing countries like India and Africa, therapy is always talked about in hushed tones and hence no one really knows what it actually looks like or what one is supposed to feel after taking therapy. This builds a lot of distortions about what it is and one of the biggest distortions is that therapy will provide instant relief. So when emotions intensify instead, when sessions leave someone feeling raw, irritable, or unsettled, it can trigger doubt. Many begin to wonder why therapy makes you feel worse at first or whether they are doing something wrong. In reality, feeling worse before feeling better in therapy is often not a setback, but a sign that deeper emotional processing has begun.
Coping is not the same as regulation
Before therapy, many people appear functional because their nervous system has learned to manage distress through control, distraction, or emotional numbing. These strategies reduce discomfort but do not resolve it. Therapy slowly loosens these patterns. As they soften, emotions that were previously kept at bay surface. This shift can feel destabilising, but it reflects a movement from survival-based coping to genuine nervous system regulation. But, of course it takes time. When years worth of emotional suppression and use of defense mechanisms gets broken down- it can feel unfamiliar and unsafe. This is what causes people to feel extremely seen all of a sudden which is often not a pleasant feeling.
Emotional unlayering is gradual, not dramatic
Emotional unlayering in therapy is rarely cathartic in the way it is portrayed. It’s rarely the first session that causes a breakthrough. Insights and realisations about our internal patterns take time to arrive and hardly ever occur simultaneously.More often, they show up as subtle internal changes, increased irritability, emotional fatigue, or moments of unexpected sadness. These experiences are part of the psyche testing what it is safe to feel now. Healing often begins with discomfort because the system is learning to tolerate emotions it once had to suppress.
When insight arrives before capacity
Therapy can help us see things very clearly, sometimes too clearly. We may suddenly understand our patterns, our people-pleasing, our poor boundaries, or the ways we ignore our own needs. But understanding something does not automatically mean we are ready to act on it. That gap is where therapy can start to feel overwhelming.
You might know you need to say no, rest more, or speak up, yet still feel anxious or frozen when the moment arrives. This can lead to a lot of self-frustration. Thoughts like “I know better now, so why can’t I do better?” are common here. What is often missed is that insight happens in the mind, while change happens in the nervous system.
Our bodies are still catching up. Even healthy choices can feel unsafe when they go against old survival habits. Setting a boundary might feel like risking rejection. Slowing down might trigger guilt. These reactions do not mean the insight is wrong. They mean the nervous system is learning something new.
This phase is not a dead end. It is a transition. Old ways of coping are being questioned, but new ones have not fully settled in yet. With time, practice, and support, capacity grows. What once felt impossible slowly starts to feel doable. And that is often a quiet sign that therapy is working, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Signs that therapy is working even if it feels hard
Progress in therapy is not always measured by feeling better immediately. Signs therapy is working even when it feels hard include-
- Increased self-awareness
- A slower emotional rebound after distress
- Greater honesty with oneself
- Ability to notice emotions without shutting down
These shifts indicate nervous system adaptation, not regression.
Support beyond the therapy room
Because this phase can feel isolating, having support between sessions matters. Tools like Healo can offer structured reflection, gentle emotional check-ins, and grounding exercises that help people stay connected to the process without overwhelming themselves. When used alongside therapy, such support can make emotional unlayering feel more contained and less confusing. And, if you haven't started therapy yet but are wondering whether it is the right fit for you- the Readiness for Counselling Test can help you figure out where you stand.
Conclusion
Feeling worse during therapy does not mean healing is failing. Often, it means the nervous system is finally safe enough to reveal what it has been holding. Discomfort, in this context, is not a detour from progress. It is often the path itself.
